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 Post subject: Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 3:44 pm 
Well Shane, I decided not to read anyone else's response, and just tell you straight up, the way it is. If she is 17 and living and being supported by her parents, then, it would show honor, and good intentions if you just did what they asked, until she is either old enough to, independent enough, or released by her parents to engage in this relationship with you. That is the honorable, and respectable thing to do. Be anxious for nothing.... I can tell you that if you go in with a haughty attitude of, "see...everyone else thinks it's ok, get over it mom and dad." You are liable to cause something way worse than you had anticipated. Honor the parent's wishes of this 17 year old girl, and maybe you win in the end. I'm sorry that the mom may have used words that offended you, but just realize that that is their daughter. Someday, when you have kid's of your own...it will make way more sense. |
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Joined: 11 Nov 2002 | Posts: 3695 | Location: Tyler, TX
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Post subject: Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 3:45 pm
the thing is, I dont agree with her mother, but I do want to do everything in my power to have her blessing about it. I dunno, I am just like that. If it is meant to happen it will. Quote: yeah just wait it out untell she's 18 then her mom cant say much just be nice to the mom and just keep your hands off her tell she 18 then all will be good so dont stress. hmm I wasnt planning on putting my hands on anyone(again) until I am married _________________ thelostLostBoy: whoa you look punk in that iron soulfulleslielou: I just drive this bus, I don't what's under the hood |
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Post subject: Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 3:48 pm
all i know is, i hope i don't ever have a daughter, for her sake. i'd lock her up and shoot boys on sight. with a katana-shooting shotgun. _________________ hello. |
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Joined: 23 Aug 2003 | Posts: 5978 | Location: Austin, Texas
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Post subject: Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 3:52 pm
Kim,I understand where you're coming from and having 4 daughters of your own you probably have more of a right than me to comment, what ali just posted is exactly how i'd feel BUT do you think it's fair to Shain to be pre judged by this woman? I think it's totally unfair especially since I've spoken to him a few times and he is a pretty good guy who doesn't have any intentions of doing anything bad to her so I don't think he should have to win over all of her family to have a relationship with the girl,they should trust their daughters judgement and if they gave shain half a chance I'm sure they'd approve anyways. _________________ 
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Post subject: Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 3:58 pm
Well, I understand where you are coming from homesick_alien, but, until you have actually birthed a child, you probably cannot feel what that mom feels. I don't know how well she knows him. Apparently, they go to the same church. Does that give her the right to use words like "pedifile" sp? No. But, reality is, her parents do have a say in her life, and potential relationships. All I am saying is, there is no rush. Honor the parents, and give it time. It could turn out better than he ever dreamed. |
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Joined: 11 Nov 2002 | Posts: 3695 | Location: Tyler, TX
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Post subject: Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 4:02 pm
"true love waits" after all, eh? oh and it's pedophile (or maybe paedophile in the queen's english) for those playing scrabble at home  _________________ hello. |
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Joined: 23 Aug 2003 | Posts: 5978 | Location: Austin, Texas
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Post subject: Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 4:04 pm
I'm not really disagreeing with you Kim,I just think that it's unfair of the mother to judge someone she obviously doesn't know very well,if at all. One of my first ever girlfriends had a mother who was intrusive and dominant and wouldn't let her do anything,the girl ended up rebelling and doing some pretty bad things because of it once she turned 18 and got some freedom.You just can't stop people from growing up,the mother should set some rules by all means but be a bit more leniant imho.I mean being a concerned/worried parent is one thing but stopping your child from growing up is another which is what it sounds like the mother is doing here. _________________
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Post subject: Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 4:07 pm
homesick_alien wrote: I'm not really disagreeing with you Kim,I just think that it's unfair of the mother to judge someone she obviously doesn't know very well,if at all. i think that's the problem. there's a defense mechanism that kicks in with good parents. and i don't think you have to worry about rebellion as long as you instill good values in a kid. lay down some ground rules. i don't think it's necessarily "overprotective" to say a girl can't date until a certain age. dating can be dangerous in many ways these days. _________________ hello. |
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Joined: 23 Aug 2003 | Posts: 5978 | Location: Austin, Texas
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Post subject: Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 4:11 pm
she can date, just not me. She told me 1 because I am old. and 2 because it is her youngest and her baby. that makes sense except I am not old. I can completely understand her being protective. Maybe I am expecting too much because my parents were really leaniant. (in some areas) _________________ thelostLostBoy: whoa you look punk in that iron soulfulleslielou: I just drive this bus, I don't what's under the hood |
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Post subject: Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 4:17 pm
ali wrote: i think that's the problem. there's a defense mechanism that kicks in with good parents. and i don't think you have to worry about rebellion as long as you instill good values in a kid. lay down some ground rules. i don't think it's necessarily "overprotective" to say a girl can't date until a certain age. dating can be dangerous in many ways these days. so holding your kids back from living their life is a good thing? You have to set some rules and you have to instill good morals into your children,I agree wholeheartedly with this but this is not a 14-15 year old girl we are talking about here,this is a girl who is nearly 18 years old. I disagree to a point about the 'defence mechanism" thing you said ali,My parents gave me and my brother/sister the freedom to experience life,we had some rules of course BUT we also were not held back from experiencing things and making mistakes etc We ended up all doing quite well and respect our parents for giving us the freedom to grow up not having to wonder if our parents would freak out at everything we did,I have the best parents in the world and they installed good morals in me & my brother/sister and if I can be half as good when i'm a parent then i'll be happy...Life is about trying things, making mistakes and learning from them & the only way to do so is to experience it for yourself. _________________
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Joined: 24 Oct 2003 | Posts: 17687 | Location: making uhh SEXYTIME
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Post subject: Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 4:18 pm
Seriously, tell her to get real...the age difference is barely existent...and her "lil' baby" is eventually gonna grow and date people 2 or more years older...if she keeps her in a little stupid crystal box, she is gonna be resented and feel repressed and date a 54 year old pimp... _________________ An apt and true reply was given to Alexander the Great by a pirate who had been seized. For when that king had asked the man what he meant by keeping hostile possession of the sea, he answered with bold pride. 'What thou meanest by seizing the whole earth; but because I do it with a petty ship, I am called a robber, whilst thou who dost it with a great fleet art styled emperor." Noam Chomsky |
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Joined: 01 Jan 2004 | Posts: 1738 | Location: in this fake plastic world
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Post subject: Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 4:22 pm
I guess I am not going to try and second guess the mom's intentions. I don't know what she knows. I don't know what she thinks. I don't know what she has said. I don't know how well she knows Shane. I don't know if she has good parenting skills, or is "over protective", etc... My only point is, the parent's DO have a say in their daughter's life, (whether they have great parenting skills, or not) and at 17, it couldn't hurt to honor their wishes. It won't hurt Shane to step back a little and give it some time. Anxiousness usually leads to disaster. For both parties involved. Also, every situation has to be looked at individually. Maybe the mother feels that her daughter is to immature to handle a serious relationship right now. I was 16 when I met Boyd. He is 3 years and 3 months older than me. If my parent's would not have wanted us to develop a friendship first, then on to deepen our relationship as time went on, we would have honored their wishes, and asked for guidelines. That's all I'm saying. P.S. I realize that the popular thing now days is to say, "eff my parent's...what do they know?" Trust me....they know! |
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Post subject: Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 4:49 pm
thanks kim youre greatness... I have made my decision on what to do, I am going to first sit through any lecture I may get from her mom gracfully. Then I will let it fizzle out, and I will see what can be allowed after boot camp. (in like 3months). Hopefully she will see that I am for real, and I am not a pimp or something like that, and she will give me a chance. If not... I dont know what I will do. I will face it when that happens. But I would WAAAY rather have her parents blessing. Call me old fasioned, but if it came down to it I would rather wait a few years, until I had their blessing before marage,(anytime soon). I would be willing to wait quite a while for that. (not that I am remotly thinking of marage that was an ingeneral about shain statment.) _________________ thelostLostBoy: whoa you look punk in that iron soulfulleslielou: I just drive this bus, I don't what's under the hood |
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Joined: 21 Apr 2003 | Posts: 700 | Location: in hiding
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Post subject: Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 4:49 pm
what if this mother was to meet an unfortunate accident? (cracks knuckles)....... no j/k j/k um i think everybody here has a point and it is definitley a tough situation. but i agree with kim the most with the honor the wishes and wait but if she continues to act the way she does then go and say screw you |
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Post subject: Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 6:11 pm
BNROCKS wrote: what if this mother was to meet an unfortunate accident? (cracks knuckles)....... that made me laugh out loudly heh I think you have to show her parents respect & show them that you are not some trashy loser and worthy of their daughter BUT respect should be shown both ways or at the very least be given a chance to show it by the parent(s) what happens when you wait and wait now shain? and after boot camp you get told you can see her BUT only if you do as the mother wants at all times? are you going to give in to that as well and be at her mercy?or what happens if you wait and wait and the mother still refuses.....what a waste of time that would be if you love this girl and she loves you then nothing should get in your way from having a relationship,neither of you are doing anything wrong yet you're being punished anyways... _________________
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Laughing City Forum Index -> General -> I want some opinions, is it wrong.....
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